How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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