Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
