Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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