I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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