Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
