My sheets look like a crime scene.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
