I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
