She announced her abortion via fbk
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
