I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
