why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
we're so committed to being not committed
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
