When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
