I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
