wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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