sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
