Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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