I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
