I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
