i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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