Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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