i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
