sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
