It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i dont even know how to be here
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
