It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
