Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
