So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She said her name was "party"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
