a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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