I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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