oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
