she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
