Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
