If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
