brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
They are going to name an STD after you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
