I only kidnapped one of them. chill
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
