I just gift wrapped bread.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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