even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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