it was like eating out sand paper
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You've changed since you got that strap on
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
