i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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