I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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