Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
