Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
