We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
