Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
