You're completely useless in the revolution.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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