he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
