so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
