Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
