This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
