like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
