At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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