Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
