I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
