I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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