Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
