Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
