Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
