He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
