eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
